there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
