I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
