loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
