you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize