If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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