my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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