I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
