she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
