to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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