You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize