She said her name was "party"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
