In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
