dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
