Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
