angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
