i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
