You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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