I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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