I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
