i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
