Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
