I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize