I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
