oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
