So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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