he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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