apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
