i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you would pick up someone in the library
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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