i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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