I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
