I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Life is so much better after having sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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