I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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