I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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