ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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