he was CRYING into my vagina
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
