i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
