It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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