areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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