How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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