wanna go halves on a baby?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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