I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize