Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want nice things and good sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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