so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
