wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
