My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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