I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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