I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
