Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
