I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
