just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Randomize
