remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
