Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
