You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
