You're my little dorito
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
