you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
