Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
