there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The power of my boobs compel you
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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