I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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