Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
