I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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