***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
