I can text with my tongue
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize