so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
