Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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