I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
