after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
