Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
