tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
