I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize