he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
