three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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