i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
