you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
