By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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