My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dick very happy bro
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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