hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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