11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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