He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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