i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
