I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think I just sharted jello shots
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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