I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
