That's intense
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize