this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
