I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is wine microwaveable?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
