At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
