It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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