I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
