tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
