in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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