I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
