i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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