I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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