She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
