i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
