This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
