I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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