they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
